Ogden Nash

When people aren't asking questions They're making suggestions And when they're not doing one of those They're either looking over your shoulder or stepping on your toes And then as if that weren't enough to annoy you They employ…

Once upon a time there was an Italian,
And some people thought he was a rapscallion,
But he wasn't offended,
Because other people thought he was splendid,

Your hopeless patients will live,
Your healthy patients will die.
I have only this word to give:
Wonder, and find out why

This is a song to celebrate banks,
Because they are full of money and you go into them and all
you hear is clinks and clanks,
Or maybe a sound like the wind in the trees on the hills,…

More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside

Look at itsy-bitsy Mitzi!
See her figure slim and ritzy!
She eats
Pizza!

Носорог - он не самый красивый у нас,
Не так чтобы прямо уж праздник для глаз.
Пойду поищу я зверей попригожей:
чтоб нос был без рога, чтоб не носорожий.Перевод Виты Штивельман…

Isabel met an enormous bear,
Isabel, Isabel, didn't care;
The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous,
The bear's big mouth was cruel and cavernous.…

Хорошая птица гагарка.
Но она разучилась летать и теперь только ходит. Вот и вымирает она, а жалко.
Теперь возьмём человека - и за него тревожно:
ведь он разучился ходить, и уже летает. А думать оказалось сложно.Перевод Виты Штивельман…

A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison,
And had an affair with a Saracen;
She was not over-sexed,
Or jealous or vexed,…

Celery,
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by the authors of simile and
metaphor.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks,
Romans

A girl whose cheeks are covered with
Has an advantage with me over one whose ain't.

My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me,
What's he there for?
The only answer I can

Let's straighten this out, my little man,
And reach an agreement if we can.
I entered your door as an honored guest.
My shoes are shined and my trousers are pressed

There was a young belle of
Whose garments were always in patchez.
When comment
On the state of her clothes

There is something about a Martini,
A tingle remarkably pleasant;
A yellow, a mellow Martini;
I wish I had one at present.…

I've never seen an abominable snowman,
I'm hoping not to see one,
I'm also hoping, if I do,
That it will be a wee one.

Соседи над вами танцуют канканы.
Роняют на пол утюги и стаканы.
С рассвета до вечера в спальнях походы.
Приемник орет на весь дом про погоду.

When I remember bygone daysI think how evening follows morn;
So many I loved were not yet dead,
So many I love were not yet born.

Unwillingly Miranda wakes,
Feels the sun with terror,
One unwilling step she takes,
Shuddering to the mirror.Miranda in Miranda's sight…

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with.
And with whom they breakfast with and sup with.
They interfere with the discipline of nurseries,
And forget anniversaries