i tend to say i can move on each time...
but i can't stop myself from seeing the crime.
the fact that if i do move on...
another person will attend your family dinners
without me.
i can't help but think about you inviting them to meet your mom every evening.
them coming home to see your face.
waking up to see you in every phase.
i can't help the cold rush that visits my heart
when i imagine my friends never meeting you at the park.
i can't help but imagine what would happen if we never get a dance.
not in the rain, nor in the city of love, in France.
i can't help the drop that visits me at night.
that maybe, another person will sleep and you being the last thing in their sight.
i really want to live everything with you.
and to think that maybe i won't be able to...
i get so selfish,
but i feel so sick.
i want to be the one by your side on road trips.
songs about love and even embarrassing classics.
i want to hold eye contact with you in golden hours.
so i could study your eye shape with every color.
i want to be the one i text when i'm heading to my friend's house,
when you check up on me,
when you're asking if i'm having fun,
if i'm staying safe...
i want to be the one you text when you're coming back home,
ask me what i got us for dinner,
or if we need any groceries for home.
i want to be able to call my house a home for once.
and i want it to feel like this
because i know you will be there to make it smell like your heaven.
your laundry detergent and shampoo.
that cheap perfume you got.
your morning smell
or even when it fades away after a long night.
how it smells like on the sweet spot behind your ear.
i want to be able to study everything you like.
what makes you burst out of laughter,
what makes you scoff,
and what makes you smile.
i want to know if you're a morning person,
or if you only have fun on musical nights.
what gets you mad,
or if i can ever make you get over your fears.
make you feel like you're always welcome
and that i will forever try to keep it fine.
and i'm scared to move on
because i may never know those details.
because i love you.
and i may not know exactly
what healthy relationships are.
technically i really am still a child.
but i know that there is this feeling that comes when you're around.
and even if that wasn't love,
i would still choose it over love...
because if this isn't what love feels like...
i don't think it's worth it.
