HMS Pinafore Act II

IS

The Rt.

Hon Sir Joseph Porter,

K.

C.

B.  (First Lord of the Admiralty)Captain Corcoran (Commanding H.

M.

S.

Pinafore)Tom Tucker (Midshipmite)Ralph Rackstraw (Able Seaman)Dick Deadeye (Able Seaman)Bill Bobstay (Boatswain's Mate)Bob Becket (Carpenter's Mate)Josephine (the Captain's Daughter)Hebe (Sir Joseph Porter's First Cousin)Mrs.

Cripps (Little Buttercup)  (A Portsmouth Bumboat Woman)First Lord's Sisters, his Cousins, his Aunts,

Sailors,

Marines,etc.

CT II.—

Same Scene.  Night.  Awning removed.  Moonlight.  Captain     discovered singing on poop deck, and accompanying himself on     a mandolin.  Little Buttercup seated on quarterdeck, gazing     sentimentally at him.

NG —

IN               Fair moon, to thee I sing,                    Bright regent of the heavens,               Say, why is everything                    Either at sixes or at sevens?               I have lived hitherto                    Free from breath of slander,               Beloved by all my crew—                    A really popular commander.               But now my kindly crew rebel,                    My daughter to a tar is partial,               Sir Joseph storms, and, sad to tell,                    He threatens a court martial!                         Fair moon, to thee I sing,                              Bright regent of the heavens,                         Say, why is everything                              Either at sixes or at sevens?

UT.  How sweetly he carols forth his melody to theunconscious moon!  Of whom is he thinking?  Of some high-bornbeauty?  It may be!  Who is poor Little Buttercup that she shouldexpect his glance to fall on one so lowly!  And yet if he knew —if he only knew!

PT. (coming down).  Ah!  Little Buttercup, still on board?

That is not quite right, little one.  It would have been morerespectable to have gone on shore at dusk.

UT.  True, dear Captain — but the recollection of your sadpale face seemed to chain me to the ship.  I would fain see yousmile before I go.

PT.  Ah!  Little Buttercup,

I fear it will be long beforeI recover my accustomed cheerfulness, for misfortunes crowd uponme, and all my old friends seem to have turned against me!

UT.  Oh no — do not say "all", dear Captain.  That wereunjust to one, at least.

PT.  True, for you are staunch to me.  (Aside.)  If ever Igave my heart again, methinks it would be to such a one as this! (Aloud.)  I am touched to the heart by your innocent regard forme, and were we differently situated,

I think I could havereturned it.  But as it is,

I fear I can never be more to youthan a friend.

UT.  I understand!  You hold aloof from me because you arerich and lofty — and I poor and lowly.  But take care!  The poorbumboat woman has gipsy blood in her veins, and she can readdestinies.

PT.  Destinies?

UT.  There is a change in store for you!

PT.  A change?

UT.  Aye — be prepared!

ET —

LE

UP and

UT.           Things are seldom what they seem,               Skim milk masquerades as cream;               Highlows pass as patent leathers;               Jackdaws strut in peacock's feathers.

PT. (puzzled).    Very true,                    So they do.

UT.           Black sheep dwell in every fold;               All that glitters is not gold;               Storks turn out to be but logs;               Bulls are but inflated frogs.

PT. (puzzled).    So they be,                    Frequentlee.

UT.           Drops the wind and stops the mill;               Turbot is ambitious brill;               Gild the farthing if you will,               Yet it is a farthing still.

PT. (puzzled).    Yes,

I know.                    That is so.

UT.           Though to catch your drift I'm striving,                    It is shady — it is shady;               I don't see at what you're driving,                    Mystic lady — mystic lady.(Aside.)       Stern conviction's o'er me stealing,               That the mystic lady's dealing               In oracular revealing.

UT. (aside).  Stern conviction's o'er him stealing,               That the mystic lady's dealing               In oracular revealing.                    Yes,

I know—                    That is so!

PT.          Though I'm anything but clever,               I could talk like that for ever:               Once a cat was killed by care;               Only brave deserve the fair.                    Very true,                    So they do.

PT.          Wink is often good as nod;               Spoils the child who spares the rod;               Thirsty lambs run foxy dangers;               Dogs are found in many mangers.

UT.                Frequentlee,                    I agree.

PT.          Paw of cat the chestnut snatches;               Worn-out garments show new patches;               Only count the chick that hatches;               Men are grown-up catchy-catchies.

UT.                Yes,

I know,                    That is so.(Aside.)       Though to catch my drift he's striving,                    I'll dissemble — I'll dissemble;               When he sees at what I'm driving,                    Let him tremble — let him tremble!

LE               Though a mystic tone I/you borrow,               You will/I shall learn the truth with sorrow,               Here to-day and gone to-morrow;                    Yes,

I know—                    That is so!              [At the end exit Little Buttercup melodramatically.

PT.  Incomprehensible as her utterances are,

Inevertheless feel that they are dictated by a sincere regard forme.  But to what new misery is she referring?  Time alone cantell!

Enter Sir Joseph

IR

PH.  Captain Corcoran,

I am much disappointed withyour daughter.  In fact,

I don't think she will do.

PT.  She won't do,

Sir Joseph!

IR

PH.  I'm afraid not.  The fact is, that although Ihave urged my suit with as much eloquence as is consistent withan official utterance,

I have done so hitherto without success.

How do you account for this?

PT.  Really,

Sir Joseph,

I hardly know.  Josephine is ofcourse sensible of your condescension.

IR

PH.  She naturally would be.

PT.  But perhaps your exalted rank dazzles her.

IR

PH.  You think it does?

PT.  I can hardly say; but she is a modest girl, and hersocial position is far below your own.  It may be that she feelsshe is not worthy of you.

IR

PH.  That is really a very sensible suggestion, anddisplays more knowledge of human nature than I had given youcredit for.

PT.  See, she comes.  If your lordship would kindly reasonwith her and assure her officially that it is a standing rule atthe Admiralty that love levels all ranks, her respect for anofficial utterance might induce her to look upon your offer inits proper light.

IR

PH.  It is not unlikely.  I will adopt yoursuggestion.  But soft, she is here.  Let us withdraw, and watchour opportunity.

Enter Josephine from cabin.  First Lord and Captain retire

NA —

NE               The hours creep on apace,                    My guilty heart is quaking!               Oh, that I might retrace                    The step that I am taking!          Its folly it were easy to be showing,          What I am giving up and whither going.          On the one hand, papa's luxurious home,               Hung with ancestral armour and old brasses,          Carved oak and tapestry from distant Rome,               Rare "blue and white" Venetian finger-glasses,          Rich oriental rugs, luxurious sofa pillows,          And everything that isn't old, from Gillow's.          And on the other, a dark and dingy room,               In some back street with stuffy children crying,          Where organs yell, and clacking housewives fume,               And clothes are hanging out all day a-drying.          With one cracked looking-glass to see your face in,          And dinner served up in a pudding basin!               A simple sailor, lowly born,                    Unlettered and unknown,               Who toils for bread from early morn                    Till half the night has flown!               No golden rank can he impart—                    No wealth of house or land—               No fortune save his trusty heart                    And honest brown right hand!               And yet he is so wondrous fair               That love for one so passing rare,               So peerless in his manly beauty,               Were little else than solemn duty!          Oh, god of love, and god of reason, say,          Which of you twain shall my poor heart obey!

Sir Joseph and Captain enter

IR

PH.  Madam, it has been represented to me that youare appalled by my exalted rank.  I desire to convey to youofficially my assurance, that if your hesitation is attributableto that circumstance, it is uncalled for.

OS.  Oh! then your lordship is of opinion that marriedhappiness is not inconsistent with discrepancy in rank?

IR

PH.  I am officially of that opinion.

OS.  That the high and the lowly may be truly happytogether, provided that they truly love one another?

IR

PH.  Madam,

I desire to convey to you officially myopinion that love is a platform upon which all ranks meet.

OS.  I thank you,

Sir Joseph.  I did hesitate, but I willhesitate no longer.  (Aside.)  He little thinks how eloquently hehas pleaded his rival's cause!

IO

ST

RD,

IN, and

PT.          Never mind the why and wherefore,               Love can level ranks, and therefore,               Though his lordship's station's mighty,                    Though stupendous be his brain,               Though your tastes are mean and flighty                    And your fortune poor and plain,

PT. and      Ring the merry bells on board-ship,

IR

PH.         Rend the air with warbling wild,               For the union of his/my lordship                    With a humble captain's child!

PT.               For a humble captain's

OS.                For a gallant captain's

IR

PH.         And a lord who rules the

OS. (aside).       And a tar who ploughs the water!

LL.           Let the air with joy be laden,                    Rend with songs the air above,               For the union of a maiden                    With the man who owns her love!

IR

PH.         Never mind the why and wherefore,                    Love can level ranks, and therefore,               Though your nautical relation (alluding to Capt.)                    In my set could scarcely pass—               Though you occupy a station                    In the lower middle

PT. and      Ring the merry bells on board-ship,

IR

PH.         Rend the air with warbling wild,               For the union of my/your lordship                    With a humble captain's child!

PT.               For a humble captain's

OS.                For a gallant captain's

IR

PH.         And a lord who rules the

OS. (aside).       And a tar who ploughs the water!

LL.           Let the air with joy be laden,                    Rend with songs the air above,               For the union of a maiden                    With the man who owns her love!

OS.           Never mind the why and wherefore,               Love can level ranks, and therefore               I admit the jurisdiction;                    Ably have you played your part;               You have carried firm conviction                    To my hesitating heart.

PT. and      Ring the merry bells on board-ship,

IR

PH.         Rend the air with warbling wild,               For the union of my/his lordship                    With a humble captain's child!

PT.               For a humble captain's

OS.                For a gallant captain's

IR

PH.         And a lord who rules the

OS. (aside).       And a tar who ploughs the water!(Aloud.)       Let the air with joy be laden.

PT. and

IR

PH.  Ring the merry bells on

OS.           For the union of a

PT. and

IR

PH.  For her union with his lordship.

LL.           Rend with songs the air above               For the man who owns her love!                                                  [Exit Jos.

PT.  Sir Joseph,

I cannot express to you my delight at thehappy result of your eloquence.  Your argument was unanswerable.

IR

PH.  Captain Corcoran, it is one of the happiestcharacteristics of this glorious country that official utterancesare invariably regarded as unanswerable.                                                                        [Exit Sir Joseph.

PT.  At last my fond hopes are to be crowned.  My onlydaughter is to be the bride of a Cabinet Minister.  The prospectis Elysian.  (During this speech Dick Deadeye has entered.)

CK.  Captain.

PT.  Deadeye!  You here?  Don't!  (Recoiling from him.)

CK.  Ah, don't shrink from me,

Captain.  I'm unpleasant tolook at, and my name's agin me, but I ain't as bad as I seem.

PT.  What would you with me?

CK (mysteriously).  I'm come to give you warning.

PT.  Indeed! do you propose to leave the Navy then?

CK.  No, no, you misunderstand me; listen!

ET

IN and

CK

CK.          Kind Captain,

I've important information,                    Sing hey, the kind commander that you are,               About a certain intimate relation,                    Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

TH.                    The merry maiden and the tar.

PT.          Good fellow, in conundrums you are speaking,                    Sing hey, the mystic sailor that you are;               The answer to them vainly I am seeking;                    Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

TH.                    The merry maiden and the tar.

CK.          Kind Captain, your young lady is a-sighing,                    Sing hey, the simple captain that you are,               This very might with Rackstraw to be flying;                    Sing hey, the merry maiden and the tar.

TH.                    The merry maiden and the tar.

PT.          Good fellow, you have given timely warning,                    Sing hey, the thoughtful sailor that you are,               I'll talk to Master Rackstraw in the morning:                    Sing hey, the cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar.                                             (Producing a

TH.          The merry cat-o'-nine-tails and the tar!

PT.  Dick Deadeye — I thank you for your warning — Iwill at once take means to arrest their flight.  This boat cloakwill afford me ample disguise — So!  (Envelops himself in amysterious cloak, holding it before his face.)

CK.  Ha, ha!  They are foiled — foiled — foiled!

Enter Crew on tiptoe, with Ralph and Boatswain meeting Josephine, who     enters from cabin on tiptoe, with bundle of necessaries, and     accompanied by Little Buttercup.

LE —

EN               Carefully on tiptoe stealing,                    Breathing gently as we may,               Every step with caution feeling,                    We will softly steal away.                   (Captain stamps) — Chord.

LL (much alarmed).

Goodness me—                         Why, what was that?

CK.               Silent be,                         It was the cat!

LL. (reassured).   It was — it was the cat!

PT. (producing cat-o'-nine-tails).    They're right, it was the                                        cat!

LL.           Pull ashore, in fashion steady,                    Hymen will defray the fare,               For a clergyman is ready                    To unite the happy pair!                 (Stamp as before, and

LL.           Goodness me,                    Why, what was that?

CK.          Silent be,                    Again the cat!

LL.           It was again that cat!

PT. (aside).

They're right, it was the cat!

PT. (throwing off cloak).

Hold!  (All start.)               Pretty daughter of mine,                    I insist upon knowing                    Where you may be going               With these sons of the brine,                    For my excellent crew,               Though foes they could thump any,               Are scarcely fit company,                    My daughter, for you.

EW.               Now, hark at that, do!               Though foes we could thump any,               We are scarcely fit company                    For a lady like you!

PH.         Proud officer, that haughty lip uncurl!          Vain man, suppress that supercilious sneer,     For I have dared to love your matchless girl,          A fact well known to all my messmates here!

PT.     Oh, horror!

PH and

OS.

I/He humble, poor, and lowly born,               The meanest in the port division—                    The butt of epauletted scorn—               The mark of quarter-deck derision—               Have/Has dared to raise my/his wormy eyes               Above the dust to which you'd mould me/him               In manhood's glorious pride to rise,               I am/He is an Englishman — behold me/him!

LL.           He is an Englishman!

AT.     He is an Englishman!               For he himself has said it,               And it's greatly to his credit,          That he is an Englishman!

LL.      That he is an Englishman!

AT.          For he might have been a Roosian,               A French, or Turk, or Proosian,               Or perhaps Itali-an!

LL.           Or perhaps Itali-an!

AT.          But in spite of all temptations               To belong to other nations,                    He remains an Englishman!

LL.           For in spite of all temptations, etc.

PT. (trying to repress his anger).               In uttering a reprobation                    To any British tar,               I try to speak with moderation,                    But you have gone too far.               I'm very sorry to disparage                    A humble foremast lad,               But to seek your captain's child in marriage,                    Why damme, it's too bad![During this,

Cousin Hebe and Female Relatives have entered.

LL (shocked).      Oh!

PT.          Yes, damme, it's too bad!

LL.                     Oh!

PT. and

CK

YE.  Yes, damme, it s too bad.[During this,

Sir Joseph has appeared on poop-deck.  He is     horrified at the bad language.

BE.          Did you hear him?  Did you hear him?                    Oh, the monster overbearing!               Don't go near him — don't go near him—                    He is swearing — he is swearing!

IR

PH.    My pain and my distress,                    I find it is not easy to express;                    My amazement — my surprise—               You may learn from the expression of my eyes!

PT.          My lord — one word — the facts are not before you                    The word was injudicious,

I allow—               But hear my explanation,

I implore you,                    And you will be indignant too,

I vow!

IR

PH.    I will hear of no defence,                    Attempt none if you're sensible.               That word of evil sense                    Is wholly indefensible.               Go, ribald, get you hence                    To your cabin with celerity.               This is the consequence                    Of ill-advised asperity!                  [Exit Captain, disgraced, followed by

LL.                This is the consequence,                         Of ill-advised asperity!

IR

PH.         For I'll teach you all, ere long,                         To refrain from language strong               For I haven't any sympathy for ill-bred taunts!

BE.          No more have his sisters, nor his cousins, nor his                    aunts.

LL.           For he is an Englishman, etc.

IR

PH.  Now, tell me, my fine fellow — for you are afine fellow—

PH.  Yes, your honour.

IR

PH.  How came your captain so far to forget himself?

I am quite sure you had given him no cause for annoyance.

PH.  Please your honour, it was thus-wise.  You see I'monly a topman — a mere foremast hand—

IR

PH.  Don't be ashamed of that.  Your position as atopman is a very exalted one.

PH.  Well, your honour, love burns as brightly in thefo'c'sle as it does on the quarter-deck, and Josephine is thefairest bud that ever blossomed upon the tree of a poor fellow'swildest hopes.

Enter Josephine; she rushes to Ralph's arms

OS.  Darling!  (Sir Joseph horrified.)

PH.  She is the figurehead of my ship of life — thebright beacon that guides me into my port of happiness — thatthe rarest, the purest gem that ever sparkled on a poor butworthy fellow's trusting brow!

LL.  Very pretty, very pretty!

IR

PH.  Insolent sailor, you shall repent this outrage.

Seize him!(Two Marines seize him and handcuff him.)

OS.  Oh,

Sir Joseph, spare him, for I love him tenderly.

IR

PH.  Pray, don't.  I will teach this presumptuousmariner to discipline his affections.  Have you such a thing as adungeon on board?

LL.  We have!

CK.  They have!

IR

PH.  Then load him with chains and take him there atonce!

PH.              Farewell, my own,                         Light of my life, farewell!                    For crime unknown                         I go to a dungeon cell.

OS.                I will atone.                         In the meantime farewell!                    And all alone                         Rejoice in your dungeon cell!

IR

PH.         A bone, a bone                         I'll pick with this sailor fell;                    Let him be shown at once                         At once to his dungeon cell.

IN,

CK

YE, and

IN

BE                    He'll hear no tone                         Of the maiden he loves so well!                    No telephone                         Communicates with his cell!

UT. (mysteriously).     But when is known                         The secret I have to tell,                    Wide will be thrown                         The door of his dungeon cell.

LL.                For crime unknown                         He goes to a dungeon cell!                              [Ralph is led off in custody.

IR

PH.         My pain and my distress                    Again it is not easy to express.                    My amazement, my surprise,                    Again you may discover from my eyes.

LL.                How terrible the aspect of his eyes!

UT.                Hold!  Ere upon your loss                         You lay much stress,                    A long-concealed crime                         I would confess.

NG —

UP                         A many years ago,                    When I was young and charming,                         As some of you may know,                    I practised baby-farming.

LL.                Now this is most alarming!                    When she was young and charming,                    She practised baby-farming,                         A many years ago.

UT.                Two tender babes I nursed:                         One was of low condition,                    The other, upper crust,                         A regular patrician.

LL (explaining to each other).                    Now, this is the position:                    One was of low condition,                    The other a patrician,                         A many years ago.

UT.                Oh, bitter is my cup!                         However could I do it?                    I mixed those children up,                         And not a creature knew it!

LL.                However could you do it?                    Some day, no doubt, you'll rue it,                    Although no creature knew it,                         So many years ago.

UT.                In time each little waif                         Forsook his foster-mother,                    The well born babe was Ralph—                         Your captain was the other!!!

LL.                They left their foster-mother,                    The one was Ralph, our brother,                    Our captain was the other,                         A many years ago.

IR

PH.  Then I am to understand that Captain Corcoranand Ralph were exchanged in childhood's happy hour — that Ralphis really the Captain, and the Captain is Ralph?

UT.  That is the idea I intended to convey, officially!

IR

PH.  And very well you have conveyed it.

UT.  Aye! aye! yer 'onour.

IR

PH.  Dear me!  Let them appear before me, at once![Ralph enters as Captain;

Captain as a common sailor.  Josephine     rushes to his arms

OS.  My father — a common sailor!

PT.  It is hard, is it not, my dear?

IR

PH.  This is a very singular occurrence;

Icongratulate you both.  (To Ralph.)  Desire that remarkably fineseaman to step forward.

PH.  Corcoran.  Three paces to the front — march!

PT.  If what?

PH.  If what?  I don't think I understand you.

PT.  If you please.

IR

PH.  The gentleman is quite right.  If you please.

PH.  Oh!  If you please.  (Captain steps forward.)

IR

PH (to Captain).  You are an extremely fine fellow.

PT.  Yes, your honour.

IR

PH.  So it seems that you were Ralph, and Ralph wasyou.

PT.  So it seems, your honour.

IR

PH.  Well,

I need not tell you that after thischange in your condition, a marriage with your daughter will beout of the question.

PT.  Don't say that, your honour — love levels all ranks.

IR

PH.  It does to a considerable extent, but it doesnot level them as much as that.  (Handing Josephine to Ralph.) Here — take her, sir, and mind you treat her kindly.

PH and

OS.  Oh bliss, oh rapture!

PT. and

UT.  Oh rapture, oh bliss!

IR

PH.         Sad my lot and sorry,               What shall I do?  I cannot live alone!

BE.     Fear nothing — while I live I'll not desert you.          I'll soothe and comfort your declining days.

IR

PH.    No, don't do that.

BE.          Yes, but indeed I'd

IR

PH (resigned).   To-morrow morn our vows shall all be                              plighted,               Three loving pairs on the same day united!

TE

NE,

BE,

PH, and

YE               Oh joy, oh rapture unforeseen,               The clouded sky is now serene,               The god of day — the orb of love,               Has hung his ensign high above,                    The sky is all ablaze.               With wooing words and loving song,               We'll chase the lagging hours along,               And if he finds/I find the maiden coy,               We'll murmur forth decorous joy,                    In dreamy roundelay.

PT.          For he's the Captain of the Pinafore.

LL.           And a right good captain too!

PT.               And though before my fall                    I was captain of you all,               I'm a member of the crew.

LL.                Although before his fall, etc.

PT.          I shall marry with a wife,               In my humble rank of life!  (turning to But.)                    And you, my own, are she—               I must wander to and fro;               But wherever I may go,                    I shall never be untrue to thee!

LL.                What, never?

PT.                    No, never!

LL.                What, never!

PT.                    Hardly ever!

LL.                Hardly ever be untrue to thee.               Then give three cheers, and one cheer more               For the former Captain of the Pinafore.

UT.           For he loves Little Buttercup, dear Little                    Buttercup,                    Though I could never tell why;               But still he loves Buttercup, poor Little                    Buttercup,                    Sweet Little Buttercup, aye!

LL.                     For he loves, etc.

IR

PH.    I'm the monarch of the sea,               And when I've married thee (to Hebe),               II'll be true to the devotion that my love                    implants,

BE.          Then good-bye to his sisters, and his cousins, and                    his aunts,               Especially his cousins,               Whom he reckons up by dozens,               His sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!

LL.           For he is an Englishman,                    And he himself hath said it,                    And it's greatly to his credit               That he is an Englishman!

IN