Marriott Edgar

Marriott Edgar

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Marriott Edgar (1880–1951), born George Marriott Edgar in Kirkcudbright, Scotland, was a poet, scriptwriter and comedian, best known for writing many of the monologues performed by Stanley Holloway, particularly the 'Albert' series.
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Joe Ramsbottom

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Joe Ramshottom rented a bit of a farm From its owner,
Squire Goslett his name;
And the Gosletts came over with William the First,
And found Ramsbottoms here when they came
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The Ole In The Ark

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One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark,
Putting green oil in starboard side lamp,
His wife came along and said, 'Noah, summat's wrong,
Our cabin is getting quite damp
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The Battle Of Hastings

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I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And 'Arold got shot in the eye
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Sams Racehorse

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When Sam Small retired from the Army He'd a pension of ninepence a day,
And seven pounds fourteen and twopence He'd saved from his rations and pay
He knew this 'ere wasn't a fortune,
But reckoned with prudence and
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Three HaPence A Foot

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I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That Grandfather used to relate,
Of a joiner and building contractor; 'Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite
In a shop on the banks of the Irwell,
Old Sam used to follow 'is trade,
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The Runcorn Ferry

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On the banks of the Mersey, o'er on Cheshire side,
Lies Runcorn that's best known to fame By Transporter Bridge as takes folks over t'stream,
Or else brings them back across same
In days afore Transporter Bridge were put up,
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Little Aggie

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When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the
He made each one hold fast with his
To the tail of the elephant walking in
To stop them from doing a bunk
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The Channel Swimmer

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Would you hear a Wild tale of adventure Of a hero who tackled the sea,
A super-man swimming the ocean,
Then hark to the tale of Joe Lee
Our Channel, our own Straits of
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Sam Goes To It

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Sam Small had retired from the Army,
In the old Duke of Wellington's time,
So when present unpleasantness started,
He were what you might call… past his prime
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Henry The Seventh

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Henry the Seventh of
Wasn't out of the Royal top drawer,
The only connection of which he could boast,
He were King's nephew's brother-in-law
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Fair Rosamond

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You've heard of King Henry
And the story of how he got fond Of one of his customer's daughters,
A lass called the " Fair Rosamond
"'Twere a lovely romance while it lasted,
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George And The Dragon

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I'll tell you the tale of an old country pub As fancied itself up to date,
It had the word " Garage" wrote on t' stable door And a petrol pump outside the gate
The " George and the Dragon" were t' name of the pub,
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Queen Matilda

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Henry the first, surnamed " Beauclare," Lost his only son William at sea,
So when Henry died it were hard to decide Who his heir and successor should be
There were two runners-up for the title- His daughter Matilda was one,
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Upards

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'Twere getting dusk, one winter's night,
When up the clough there came in sight,
A lad who carried through the snow,
A banner with this 'ere motto…'Uppards'His face was glum as he did pass,
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Albert And His Savings

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One day, little Albert
To see 'ow much money 'e'd
Stuck a knife in 'is money-box slot
And fiddled and fished out the lot
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Magna Charta

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I'll tell of the Magna
As were signed at the Barons' command On Runningmead Island in t' middle of t' Thames By King John, as were known as "Lack Land
" Some say it were wrong of the Barons Their will on the King so to thrust,<...
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