Remembrance of Christmas Past

They let the children out of school too early.

I left the Christmas shopping till too late.

Each day we had a holiday excursion,

Which gave us the entire week to wait in line

Movies by Disney,

Gift-wrapping by Lord & Taylor,

And everyone's restrooms.

On Christmas Eve we started to

The easy-to-assemble

And fire truck with forty-seven pieces.

By midnight it was plain there was no hope

An astronomer,

A mechanical engineer,

And two psychiatrists.

We rose at dawn to three boys singing Rudolph.

We listened numbly to their shouts of glee.

The kitten threw up tinsel on the carpet.

The fire truck collided with the tree,

One rug shampoo,

Several Band-aids,

And Scotch before breakfast.

I bought my husband shirts - wrong size, wrong colors,

And ties he said he couldn't be caught dead in.

I'd hinted Saint Laurent or something furry.

He bought me flannel gowns to go to bed in, alsoA Teflon frying pan,

A plaid valise,

And The Weight Watchers Cook Book.

The turkey was still frozen at eleven.

At noon my eldest boy spilled Elmer's glue.

At five I had a swell Excedrin headache,

The kind that lasts till January

Merry

And Happy New Year,

I think.