Phantasmagoria Canto II Hys Fyve Rules

"MY First - but don't suppose," he said,"I'm setting you a riddle -Is - if your Victim be in bed,

Don't touch the curtains at his head,

But take them in the middle, "And wave them slowly in and out,

While drawing them asunder;

And in a minute's time, no doubt,

He'll raise his head and look

With eyes of wrath and wonder. "And here you must on no

Make the first observation.

Wait for the Victim to commence:

No Ghost of any common

Begins a conversation . "If he should say

OW

ME

OU

RE?'(The way that

OU began,

Sir,)In such a case your course is clear -'ON

HE

AT'S

CK,

MY

LE

AR!'Is the appropriate answer. "If after this he says no more,

You'd best perhaps curtail

Exertions - go and shake the door,

And then, if he begins to snore,

You'll know the thing's a failure. "By day, if he should be alone -At home or on a walk -You merely give a hollow groan,

To indicate the kind of

In which you mean to talk. "But if you find him with his friends,

The thing is rather harder.

In such a case success

On picking up some candle-ends,

Or butter, in the larder. "With this you make a kind of slide(It answers best with suet),

On which you must contrive to glide,

And swing yourself from side to side -One soon learns how to do it. "The Second tells us what is

In ceremonious

ST

RN A

UE OR

ON

HT'(A thing I quite forgot

EN

CH

HE

OR OR

LS.'" I said "You'll visit

RE no more,

If you attempt the Guy.

I'll have no bonfires on MY floor -And, as for scratching at the door,

I'd like to see you try!" "The Third was written to

The interests of the Victim,

And tells us, as I recollect,

TO

AT

IM

TH A

VE

CT,

ND

OT TO

CT

IM." "That's plain," said I, "as Tare and Tret,

To any comprehensio n:

I only wish

ME Ghosts I've

Would not so

LY

The maxim that you mention!" "Perhaps," he said,

OU first transgressed The laws of hospitality:

All Ghosts instinctivel y

The Man that fails to treat his

With proper cordiality. "If you address a Ghost as 'Thing!'Or strike him with a hatchet,

He is permitted by the

To drop all

AL parleying -And then you're

RE to catch it! "The Fourth prohibits

Where other Ghosts are quartered:

And those convicted of the thing(Unless when pardoned by the King)Must instantly be slaughtered.  "That simply means 'be cut up small':

Ghosts soon unite anew.

The process scarcely hurts at all -Not more than when

OU're what you call'Cut up' by a Review. "The Fifth is one you may

That I should quote

HE

NG

ST BE

ED AS

IS,

OM A

LE

ER,

IS

LL

HE

WS

RE:

UT,

LD

OU

SH TO DO

HE

TH

UT

SS,

ST

IM AS 'MY

IN

NG!

ND

YS

SE,

IN

NG,

HE

SE

UR

AL

SS!' "I'm getting rather hoarse,

I fear,

After so much reciting :

So, if you don't object, my dear,

We'll try a glass of bitter beer -I think it looks

TO 1 3

II---Scarmoges--