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NE - A Court of Justice,
Barristers,
Attorney, and Jurymen discovered.
US Hark, the hour of ten is sounding: Hearts with anxious fears are bounding, Hall of Justice, crowds surrounding, Breathing hope and fear— For to-day in this arena, Summoned by a stern subpoena, Edwin, sued by Angelina, Shortly will appear.
Enter Usher
LO -
ER Now,
Jurymen, hear my advice— All kinds of vulgar prejudice I pray you set aside: With stern, judicial frame of mind From bias free of every kind, This trial must be tried.
US From bias free of every kind, This trial must be tried.[During Chorus,
Usher sings fortissimo, "Silence in
ER Oh, listen to the plaintiff's case: Observe the features of her face— The broken-hearted bride. Condole with her distress of mind: From bias free of every kind, This trial must be tried!
US From bias free, etc.
ER And when, amid the plaintiff's shrieks, The ruffianly defendant speaks— Upon the other side; What he may say you needn't mind—- From bias free of every kind, This trial must be tried!
US From bias free, etc.
Enter Defendant
IT —
NT Is this the court of the Exchequer?
LL. It is!
NT (aside) Be firm, be firm, my pecker, Your evil star's in the ascendant!
LL. Who are you?
NT. I'm the Defendant.
US OF
EN (shaking their fists) Monster, dread our damages. We're the jury! Dread our fury!
NT Hear me, hear me, if you please, These are very strange proceedings— For permit me to remark On the merits of my pleadings, You're at present in the dark.[Defendant beckons to Jurymen—they leave the box and gather around him as they sing the following: That's a very true remark— On the merits of his pleadings We're at present in the dark! Ha! ha!—ha! ha!
NG —
NT When first my old, old love I knew, My bosom welled with joy; My riches at her feet I threw— I was a love-sick boy! No terms seemed too extravagant Upon her to employ— I used to mope, and sigh, and pant, Just like a love-sick boy! Tink-a-tank!
Tink-a-tank! But joy incessant palls the sense; And love, unchanged, will cloy, And she became a bore intense Unto her love-sick boy! With fitful glimmer burnt my flame, And I grew cold and coy, At last, one morning,
I became Another's love-sick boy. Tink-a-tank! Tink-a-tank!
US OF
EN (advancing stealthily) Oh,
I was like that when a lad! A shocking young scamp of a rover, I behaved like a regular cad; But that sort of thing is all over. I'm now a respectable chap And shine with a virtue resplendent And, therefore,
I haven't a scrap Of sympathy with the defendant! He shall treat us with awe, If there isn't a flaw, Singing so merrily—Trial-la-law! Trial-la-law! Trial-la-law! Singing so merrily—Trial-la-law! [They enter the Jury-box.]
ER (on Bench) Silence in Court, and all attention lend. Behold your Judge! In due submission bend!
Enter Judge on Bench
US All hail, great Judge! To your bright rays We never grudge Ecstatic praise. All hail! May each decree As statute rank And never be Reversed in banc. All hail!
GE For these kind words, accept my thanks,
I pray. A Breach of Promise we've to try to-day. But firstly, if the time you'll not begrudge, I'll tell you how I came to be a Judge.
LL. He'll tell us how he came to be a Judge!
GE. I'll tell you
LL. He'll tell us
GE. I'll tell you
LL. He'll tell us
GE Let me speak…!
LL. Let him speak!
GE. Let me speak!
LL. (in a whisper). Let him speak! He'll tell us how he came to be a Judge!
ER. Silence in Court! Silence in Court!
GE When I, good friends, was called to the bar, I'd an appetite fresh and hearty. But I was, as many young barristers are, An impecunious party. I'd a swallow-tail coat of a beautiful blue— And a brief which I bought of a booby— A couple of shirts, and a collar or two, And a ring that looked like a ruby!
US. A couple of shirts, etc.
GE. At Westminster Hall I danced a dance, Like a semi-despondent fury; For I thought I never should hit on a chance Of addressing a British Jury— But I soon got tired of third-class journeys, And dinners of bread and water; So I fell in love with a rich attorney's Elderly, ugly daughter.
US. So he fell in love, etc.
GE. The rich attorney, he jumped with joy, And replied to my fond professions: "You shall reap the reward of your pluck, my boy, At the Bailey and Middlesex sessions. You'll soon get used to her looks," said he, "And a very nice girl you will find her! She may very well pass for forty-three In the dusk, with a light behind
US. She may very well, etc.
GE. The rich attorney was good as his word; The briefs came trooping gaily, And every day my voice was heard At the Sessions or Ancient Bailey. All thieves who could my fees afford Relied on my orations. And many a burglar I've restored To his friends and his relations.
US. And many a burglar, etc.
GE. At length I became as rich as the Gurneys— An incubus then I thought her, So I threw over that rich attorney's Elderly, ugly daughter. The rich attorney my character high Tried vainly to disparage—- And now, if you please,
I'm ready to try This Breach of Promise of Marriage!
US. And now if you please, etc.
GE. For now I'm a Judge!
LL. And a good Judge, too!
GE. For now I'm a Judge!
LL. And a good Judge, too!
GE. Though all my law be fudge, Yet I'll never, never budge, But I'll live and die a Judge!
LL. And a good Judge, too!
GE (pianissimo).
It was managed by a
LL. And a good job, too!
GE. It was managed by a job!
LL. And a good job too!
GE. It is patent to the mob, That my being made a nob Was effected by a job.
LL. And a good job too
