The Candidates Creed

I du believe in Freedom's cause,

Ez fur away ez Paris is;

I love to see her stick her

In them infarnal Pharisees;

It's wal enough agin a

To dror resolves and triggers,—But libbaty's a kind o'

Thet don't agree with niggers.

I du believe the people wantA tax on teas and coffees,

Thet nothin' aint extravygunt,—Purvidin' I'm in office;

For I hev loved my country

My eye-teeth filled their sockets,

An' Uncle Sam I reverence,

Partic'larly his pockets.

I du believe in

NY planO' levyin' the taxes,

Ez long ez, like a lumberman,

I git jest wut I axes:

I go free-trade thru thick an' thin,

Because it kind o'

The folks to vote—and keep us

Our quiet custom-houses.

I du believe it's wise an'

To sen' out furrin missions,

Thet is, on sartin

An' orthydox conditions;—I mean nine thousan' dolls. per ann.,

Nine thousan' more fer outfit,

An' me to recommend a

The place 'ould jest about fit.

I du believe in special waysO' prayin' an' convartin';

The bread comes back in many days,

An' buttered, tu, fer sartin;—I mean in preyin' till one

On wut the party chooses,

An' in convartin' public

To very privit uses.

I do believe hard coin the

Fer 'lectioneers to spout on;

The people's ollers soft

To make hard money out on;

Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his,

An' gives a good-sized junk to all—I don't care

OW hard money is,

Ez long ez mine's paid punctooal.

I du believe with all my

In the gret Press's freedom,

To pint the people to the

An' in the traces lead 'em:

Palsied the arm thet forges

At my fat contracts squintin',

An' wilhered be the nose thet

Inter the gov'ment printin'!

I du believe thet I should

Wut's his'n unto Caesar,

Fer it's by him I move an' live,

From him my bread an' cheese airI du believe thet all o'

Doth bear his souperscription,—Will, conscience, honor, honesty,

An' things o' thet description.

I du believe in prayer an'

To him thet hez the grantin'O' jobs—in every thin' thet pays,

But most of all in

IN';

This doth my cup with marcies fill,

This lays all thought o' sin to rest—I

ON'T believe in princerple,

But,

O,

I DU in interest.

I du believe in bein'

Or thet, ez it may

One way, or t' other hendiest

To ketch the people nappin';

It aint by princerples nor

My preudent course is steadied—I scent wich pays the best, an'

Go into it baldheaded.

I du believe thet holdin'

Comes nat'ral tu a President,

Let 'lone the rowdedow it

To have a wal-broke precedunt;

Fer any office, small or gret,

I could'nt ax with no face,

Without I'd been, thru dry an' wet,

The unrizziest kind o' doughface.

I du believe wutever trash'll keep the people in blindness,—Thet we the Mexicans can

Right inter brotherly kindness—Thet bombshells, grape, an' powder 'n'

Air good-will's strongest magnets—Thet peace, to make it stick at all,

Must be druv in with bagnets.

In short,

I firmly du

In Humbug generally,

Fer it's a thing thet I

To hev a solid vally;

This heth my faithful shepherd ben,

In pasturs sweet heth led me,

An' this'll keep the people

To feed ez they have fed me.