A Letter To Dr Helsham

IR,  Pray discruciate what follows.

The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor,

When young is often due to the vicar,[1]The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight,

Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]The dullest beast, when high in stature,

And another of royal nature,

For breeding is a useful creature.[3]The dullest beast, and a party distress'd,

When too long, is bad at best.[4]The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears,

Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat,

Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air,

Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues,

Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool,

With a boy that is only fit for school,

In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]The dullest beast, and that which you kiss,

May break a limb of master or miss.[10]Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills,

Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]The dullest beast, and eggs unsound,

Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]The dullest beast, and what covers a house,

Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin,

Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming.[14]The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust,

There's nobody but a fool that would trust.[15]The dullest beast, and mending highways,

Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground,

Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend,

The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]The dullest beast, and fish for lent,

May give you a blow you'll for ever repent.[19]The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer,

Without it a lady should never appear.[20]Wednesday Night.

I writ all these before I went to bed.

Pray explain them for me, becauseI cannot do it.[Footnote 1:

A swine.][Footnote 2:

A swallow.][Footnote 3:

A stallion.][Footnote 4:

A sail.][Footnote 5:

A spaniel.][Footnote 6:

A spur.][Footnote 7:

A soul.][Footnote 8:

A sloven.][Footnote 9:

A sallad.][Footnote 10:

A slip.][Footnote 11:

A sparrow.][Footnote 12:

A saddle.][Footnote 13:

A style.][Footnote 14:

A slice.][Footnote 15:

A spy.][Footnote 16:

A spavin.][Footnote 17:

A spit.][Footnote 18:

A skewer.][Footnote 19:

Assault.][Footnote 20:

A smock.]