LY
NE was a nursery maid,
ES was a bold Life Guard,
HN was a constable, poorly paid(And I am a doggerel bard).
A very good girl was
LY
NE,
MY was good and true,
HN was a very good man in the main(And I am a good man too).
Rivals for
IE were
NY and
ES,
Though
LY liked them both;
She couldn't tell which had the strongest claims(And I couldn't take my oath).
But sooner or later you're certain to
Your sentiments can't lie hid
NE thought it was time that she made up her mind(And I think it was time she did).
Said
NE, with a smirk, and a blush on her face,"I'll promise to wed the
Who takes me to-morrow to Epsom Race!"(Which I would have done, with joy).
From
NY escaped an expression of pain,
But Jimmy said, "Done with you!
I'll take you with pleasure, my
LY
NE!"(And I would have said so too).
HN lay on the ground, and he roared like mad(For
NY was sore perplexed),
And he kicked very hard at a very small lad(Which I often do, when vexed).
For
HN was on duty next day with the Force,
To punish all Epsom crimes;
Young people
LL cross when they're clearing the course(I do it myself, sometimes). The Derby Day sun glittered gaily on cads,
On maidens with gamboge hair,
On sharpers and pickpockets, swindlers and pads,(For I, with my harp, was there).
And
MY went down with his
NE that day,
And
HN by the collar or
Seized everybody who came in his way(And I had a narrow escape).
He noticed his
LY
NE with
IM,
And envied the well-made elf;
And people remarked that he muttered "Oh, dim!"(I often say "dim!" myself).
HN dogged them all day, without asking their leaves;
For his sergeant he told, aside,
That
MY and
NE were notorious thieves(And I think he was justified).
But
ES wouldn't dream of abstracting a fork,
And
NY would blush with
At stealing so much as a bottle or cork(A bottle I think fair game).
But, ah! there's another more serious crime!
They wickedly strayed
The course, at a critical moment of time(I pointed them out to
HN).
The constable fell on the pair in a crack -And then, with a demon smile,
Let
NY cross over, but sent
MY back(I played on my harp the while).
Stern
NY their agony loud
With a very triumphant sneer -They weep and they wail from the opposite sides(And I shed a silent tear).
And
NY is crying away like mad,
And
MY is swearing hard;
And
NY is looking uncommonly glad(And I am a doggerel bard).
But
MY he ventured on crossing
The scenes of our Isthmian Games
HN caught him, and collared him, giving him pain(I felt very much for
ES).
HN led him away with a victor's hand,
And
MY was shortly
In the station-house under the grand Grand Stand(As many a time I'VE been).
And
MY, bad boy, was imprisoned for life,
Though
LY pleaded hard;
And
NY had
LY
NE to wife(And I am a doggerel bard).
