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Thespis Act I

IS

AE

Jupiter,

Aged

Apollo,

Aged

Mars,

Aged

Diana,

Aged

Mercury

Cymon

CT I - Ruined Temple on the Summit of Mount Olympus[Scene—The ruins of the The Temple of the Gods, on summit

Mount Olympus.  Picturesque shattered columns, overgrown withivy, etc.

R. and L. with entrances to temple (ruined) R.

Fallencolumns on the stage.

Three broken pillars 2 R.

E.  At the back ofstage is the approach from the summit of the mountain.

Thisshould be "practicable" to enable large numbers of people toascend and descend.  In the distance are the summits of adjacentmountains.

At first all this is concealed by a thick fog, whichclears presently.  Enter (through fog) Chorus of Stars coming offduty as fatigued with their night's

HO.  Through the night, the constellations,     Have given light from various stations.     When midnight gloom falls on all nations,     We will resume our occupations.

LO.

Our light, it's true, is not worth mention;     What can we do to gain attention.     When night and noon with vulgar glaring     A great big moon is always flaring.[During chorus, enter Diana, an elderly goddess.

She is carefullywrapped up in cloaks, shawls, etc.  A hood is over her head, arespirator in her mouth, and galoshes on her feet.

During thechorus, she takes these things off and discovers herself dressedin the usual costume of the Lunar Diana, the goddess of the moon.

IA. [shuddering] Ugh.

How cold the nights are.  I don't know howit is, but I seem to feel the night air a good deal more than Iused to.

But it is time for the sun to be rising. [Calls] Apollo.

AP. [within] Hollo.

IA.

I've come off duty—it's time for you to be getting up.[Enter Apollo.

He is an elderly "buck" with an air of assumedjuvenility and is dressed in dressing gown and smoking cap.

AP. [yawning] I shan't go out today.

I was out yesterday and theday before and I want a little rest.

I don't know how it is,but Iseem to feel my work a great deal more than I used to.

IA.

I am sure these short days can't hurt you.  Why you don'trise til six and you're in bed again by five; you should have aturn at my work and see how you like that—out all night.

AP.

My dear sister,

I don't envy you—though I remember when Idid—but that was when I was a younger sun.  I don't think I'mquite well.  Perhaps a little change of air will do me good.

I'vea mind to show myself in London this winter.

They'll be very gladto see me.

No.

I shan't go out today.

I shall send them thisfine, thick wholesome fog and they won't miss me.  It's the bestsubstitute for a blazing sun—and like most substitutes, nothingat all like the real thing.[Fog clears away and discovers the scene described.

Hurriedmusic.

Mercury shoots up from behind precipice at the back ofstage.

He carries several parcels afterwards described.  He sitsdown, very much

ER.

Home at last.

A nice time I've had of it.

IA.

You young scamp you've been out all night again.

This is thethird time you've been out this week.

ER.

Well you're a nice one to blow me up for that.

IA.

I can't help being out all night.

ER.

And I can't help being down all night.

The nature of Mercuryrequires that he should go down when the sun sets, and rise againwhen the sun rises.

IA.

And what have you been doing?

ER.

Stealing on commission.

There's a set of false teeth and abox of Life Pills for Jupiter—an invisible peruke and a bottleof hair dye—that's for Apollo—a respirator and a pair ofgaloshes—that's for Cupid—a full bottomed chignon, someauricomous fluid, a box of pearl-powder, a pot of rouge, and ahare's foot—that's for Venus.

IA.

Stealing.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

ER.

Oh, as the god of thieves I must do something to justify myposition.

AP. [contemptuously] Your position.

ER.

Oh,

I know it's nothing to boast of even on earth.  Up here,it's simply contemptible.  Now that you gods are too old for yourwork, you've made me the miserable drudge of Olympus—groom,valet, postman, butler, commissionaire, maid of all work, parishbeadle, and original dustman.

AP.

Your Christmas boxes ought to be something considerable.

ER.

They ought to be but they're not.  I'm treated abominably.

I make everybody and I'm nobody.  I go everywhere and I'mnowhere.  I do everything and I'm nothing.  I've made thunder

Jupiter, odes for Apollo, battles for Mars, and love for Venus.

I've married couples for Humen and six weeks afterwards,

I'vedivorced them for Cupid, and in return I get all the kicks whilethey pocket the halfpence.

And in compensation for robbing me ofthe halfpence in question, what have they done for me.

AP.

Why they've—. they've made you the god of thieves.

ER.

Very self denying of them.  There isn't one of them whohasn't a better claim to the distinction than I have.     Oh,

I'm the celestial drudge,     For morning to night I must stop at it.     On errands all day I must trudge,     And stick to my work til I drop at it.     In summer I get up at one.     (As a good-natured donkey I'm ranked for it.)     then I go and I light up the sun.     And Phoebus Apollo gets thanked for it.     Well, well, it's the way of the world.     And will be through all its futurity.     Though noodles are baroned and earled,     There's nothing for clever obscurity.     I'm the slave of the Gods, neck and heels,     And I'm bound to obey, though I rate at 'em.     And I not only order their meals,     But I cook 'em and serve'em and wait at 'em.     Then I make all their nectar,

I do.     (What a terrible liquor to rack us is.)     And whenever I mix them a brew,     Why all the thanksgivings are Bacchus's.     Well, well, it's the way of the world, etc…..     The reading and writing I teach.     And spelling-books many I've edited.     And for bringing those arts within reach,     That donkey Minerva gets credited.     Then I scrape at the stars with a knife,     And plate-powder the moon (on the days for it).     And I hear all the world and his wife     Awarding Diana the praise for it.     Well, well, it's the way of the world, etc….[After song—very loud and majestic music is

IA and

ER [looking off] Why, who's this?

Jupiter, by Jove.[Enter Jupiter, an extremely old man, very decrepit, with verythin straggling white beard, he wears a long braided dressinggown, handsomely trimmed, and a silk night-cap on his head.

Mercury falls back respectfully as he

UP.

Good day,

Diana.  Ah,

Apollo.  Well, well, well, what's thematter?

What's the matter?

IA.

Why that young scamp Mercury says that we do nothing, andleave all the duties of Olympus to him.

Will you believe it, heactually says that our influence on earth is dropping down tonil.

UP.

Well, well.

Don't be hard on the lad.  To tell you thetruth,

I'm not sure that he's far wrong.

Don't let it go anyfurther, but, between ourselves, the sacrifices and votiveofferings have fallen off terribly of late.

Why,

I can rememberthe time when people offered us human sacrifices, no mistakeabout it, human sacrifices.  Think of that.

IA.

Ah.

Those good old days.

UP.

Then it fell off to oxen, pigs, and sheep.

AP.

Well, there are worse things than oxen, pigs and sheep.

UP.

So I've found to my cost.

My dear sir, between ourselves,it's dropped off from one thing to another until it haspositively dwindled down to preserved Australian beef.

What doyou think of that?

AP.

I don't like it at all.

UP.

You won't mention it.

It might go further.

IA.

It couldn't fare worse.

UP.

In short, matters have come to such a crisis that there's nomistake about it—something must be done to restore ourinfluence, the only question is, what?

ER. [Coming forward in great alarm.

Enter Mars]     Oh incident unprecedented.     I hardly can believe it's true.

RS.

Why, bless the boy, he's quite demented.     Why, what's the matter, sir, with you?

AP.

Speak quickly, or you'll get a warming.

ER.  Why, mortals up the mount are swarming     Our temple on Olympus storming,     In hundreds—aye in thousands, too.

LL.

Goodness gracious     How audacious     Earth is spacious     Why come here?     Our impeding     Their proceeding     Were good breeding     That is clear.

IA.

Jupiter, hear my plea.     Upon the mount if they light.     There'll be an end of me.     I won't be seen by daylight.

AP.

Tartarus is the place     These scoundrels you should send to—     Should they behold my face.     My influence there's an end to.

UP. [looking over precipice]     What fools to give themselves     so much

IA.

A government survey I'll make assertion.

AP.  Perhaps the Alpine clubs their diversion.

ER.

They seem to be more like a "Cook's" excursion.

LL.

Goodness gracious, etc.

AP.  If, mighty Jove, you value your existence,     Send them a thunderbolt with your regards.

UP.

My thunderbolts, though valid at a distance,     Are not effective at a hundred yards.

ER.

Let the moon's rays,

Diana, strike 'em flighty,     Make 'em all lunatics in various styles.

IA.

My lunar rays unhappily are mighty     Only at many hundred thousand miles.

LL.

Goodness gracious, etc…[Exeunt Jupiter,

Apollo,

Diana, and Mercury into ruined temple][Enter Sparkeion and Nicemis climbing mountain at

AR.

Here we are at last on the very summit, and we've left theothers ever so far behind.

Why, what's this?

CE.

A ruined palace.  A palace on the top of a mountain.

Iwonder who lives here?  Some mighty kind,

I dare say, with wealthbeyond all counting who came to live up

AR.

To avoid his creditors.

It's a lovely situation for acountry house though it's very much out of repair.

CE.

Very inconvenient situation.

AR.

Inconvenient.

CE.

Yes, how are you to get butter, milk, and eggs up here?

Nopigs, no poultry, no postman.

Why,

I should go mad.

AR.

What a dear little practical mind it is.

What a wife youwill make.

CE.

Don't be too sure—we are only partly married—the marriageceremony lasts all day.

AR.

I have no doubt at all about it.

We shall be as happy as aking and queen, though we are only a strolling actor and actress.

CE.

It's very nice of Thespis to celebrate our marriage day bygiving the company a picnic on this lovely mountain.

AR.

And still more kind to allow us to get so much ahead of allthe others.

Discreet Thespis. [kissing

CE,.

There now, get away, do.  Remember the marriage ceremonyis not yet completed.

AR.

But it would be ungrateful to Thespis's discretion not totake advantage of it by improving the opportunity.

CE.

Certainly not; get away.

AR.

On second thought the opportunity's so good it don't admitof improvement.

There.  [kisses

CE.

How dare you kiss me before we are quite married?

AR.

Attribute it to the intoxicating influence of the mountainair.

CE.

Then we had better do down again.  It is not right toexpose ourselves to influences over which we have no control.

AR.

Here far away from all the world,     Dissension and derision,     With Nature's wonders all unfurled     To our delighted vision,     With no one here     (At least in sight)     To interfere     With our delight,     And two fond lovers sever,     Oh do not free,     Thine hand from mine,     I swear to thee     My love is ever thine     For ever and for ever.

CE.

On mountain top the air is keen,     And most exhilarating,     And we say things we do not mean     In moments less elating.     So please to wait     For thoughts that crop,     En tete-a-tete,     On mountain top,     May not exactly tally     With those that you     May entertain,     Returning to     The sober plain     Of yon relaxing

AR.

Very well—if you won't have anything to say to me,

I knowwho will.

CE.

Who will?

AR.

Daphne will.

CE.

Daphne would flirt with anybody.

AR.

Anybody would flirt with Daphne.

She is quite as pretty asyou and has twice as much back-hair.

CE.

She has twice as much money, which may account for it.

AR.

At all events, she has appreciation.

She likes good looks.

CE.

We all like what we haven;t got.

AR.

She keeps her eyes open.

CE.

Yes—one of them.

AR.

Which one.

CE.

The one she doesn't wink with.

AR.

Well,

I was engaged to her for six months and if she stillmakes eyes at me, you must attribute it to force of habit.

Besides—remember—we are only half-married at present.

CE.

I suppose you mean that you are going to treat me asshamefully as you treated her.  Very well, break it off if youlike.

I shall not offer any objection.

Thespis used to be veryattentive to me.

I'd just as soon be a manager's wife as a fifth-rate actor's.[Chorus heard, at first below, then enter Daphne,

Pretteia,

Preposteros,

Stupidas,

Tipseion,

Cymon, and other members

Thespis's company climbing over rocks at back.

All carry

HO. [with dance] Climbing over rocky mountain     Skipping rivulet and fountain,     Passing where the willows quiver     By the ever rolling river,      Swollen with the summer rain.     Threading long and leafy mazes,     Dotted with unnumbered daisies,     Scaling rough and rugged passes,     Climb the hearty lads and lasses,     Til the mountain-top they gain.

ST

CE.

Fill the cup and tread the measure     Make the most of fleeting leisure.     Hail it as a true ally     Though it perish bye and bye.

ND

CE.

Every moment brings a treasure     Of its own especial pleasure,     Though the moments quickly die,     Greet them gaily as they fly.

RD

CE.

Far away from grief and care,     High up in the mountain air,     Let us live and reign alone,     In a world that's all our own.

TH

CE.

Here enthroned in the sky,     Far away from mortal eye,     We'll be gods and make decrees,     Those may honor them who please.

HO.

Fill the cup and tread the measure…etc.[After Chorus and Couples enter,

Thespis climbing over

ES.

Bless you, my people, bless you.

Let the revels commence.

After all, for thorough, unconstrained unconventional enjoymentgive me a picnic.

EP. [very gloomily] Give him a picnic, somebody.

ES.

Be quiet,

Preposteros.

Don't interrupt.

EP.

Ha.

Ha.

Shut up again.

But no matter.[Stupidas endeavors, in pantomime, to reconcile him.

Throughoutthe scene Prep shows symptoms of breaking out into a furiouspassion, and Stupidas does all he can to pacify and

ES.

The best of a picnic is that everybody contributes what hepleases, and nobody knows what anybody else has brought til thelast moment.

Now, unpack everybody and let's see what there isfor everybody.

CE.

I have brought you—a bottle of soda water—for the claret-cup.

PH.

I have brought you—lettuce for the lobster salad.

AR.

A piece of ice—for the claret-cup.

TT.

A bottle of vinegar—for the lobster salad.

ON.

A bunch of burrage for the claret-cup.

PS.

A hard boiled egg—for the lobster salad.

UP.

One lump of sugar for the claret-cup.

EP.

He has brought one lump of sugar for the claret-cup?

Ha.

Ha.

Ha. [laughing

UP.

Well,

Preposteros, what have you brought?

EP.

I have brought two lumps of the very best salt for thelobster salad.

ES.

Oh—is that all?

EP.

All.

Ha.

Ha.

He asks if it is all. {Stup. consoles

ES.

But,

I say—this is capital so far as it goes.

Nothingcould be better, but it doesn't go far enough.

The claret, forinstance.

I don't insist on claret—or a lobster—I don't insiston lobster, but a lobster salad without a lobster, why it isn'tlobster salad.  Here,

Tipseion.

IP. [a very drunken, bloated fellow, dressed, however, withscrupulous accuracy and wearing a large medal around his neck] Mymaster. [Falls on his knees to Thes. and kisses his

ES.

Get up—don't be a fool.

Where's the claret?

We arrangedlast week that you were to see to that.

PS.

True, dear master.

But then I was a drunkard.

ES.

You were.

PS.

You engaged me to play convivial parts on the strength ofmy personal appearance.

ES.

I did.

PS.

Then you found that my habits interfered with my duties aslow comedian.

ES.

True.

PS.

You said yesterday that unless I took the pledge you woulddismiss me from your company.

ES.

Quite so.

PS.

Good.

I have taken it.  It is all I have taken sinceyesterday.

My preserver. [embraces

ES.

Yes, but where's the wine?

PS.

I left it behind that I might not be tempted to violate mypledge.

EP.

Minion. [Attempts to get at him, is restrained by

ES.

Now,

Preposteros, what is the matter with you?

EP.

It is enough that I am down-trodden in my profession.

Iwill not submit to imposition out of it.  It is enough that asyour heavy villain I get the worst of it every night in a combatof six.  I will not submit to insult in the day time.

I have comeout.

Ha.

Ha. to enjoy myself.

ES.

But look here, you know—virtue only triumphs at night fromseven to ten—vice gets the best of it during the other twentyone hours.  Won't that satisfy you? [Stupidas endeavours topacify

EP. [Irritated to Stupidas] Ye are odious to my sight.

Get outof it.

UP. [In great terror] What have I done?

ES.

Now what is it.

Preposteros, what is it?

EP.

I a — hate him and would have his life.

ES. [to Stup.] That's it—he hates you and would have your life.

Now go and be merry.

UP.

Yes, but why does he hate me?

ES.

Oh—exactly. [to Prep.] Why do you hate him?

EP.

Because he is a minion.

ES.

He hates you because you are a minion.  It explains itself.

Now go and enjoy yourselves.

Ha.

Ha.

It is well for those who canlaugh—let them do so—there is no extra charge.  The light-hearted cup and the convivial jest for them—but for me—what isthere for me?

LI.

There is some claret-cup and lobster salad [handing

ES. [taking it] Thank you. [Resuming] What is there for me butanxiety—ceaseless gnawing anxiety that tears at my very vitalsand rends my peace of mind asunder?  There is nothing whateverfor me but anxiety of the nature I have just described.

Thecharge of these thoughtless revellers is my unhappy lot.  It isnot a small charge, and it is rightly termed a lot because thereare many.

Oh why did the gods make me a manager?

LL. [as guessing a riddle] Why did the gods make him a manager?

AR.

Why did the gods make him a manager.

PH.

Why did the gods make him a manager?

TT.

Why did the gods make him a manager?

ES.

No—no—what are you talking about?

What do you mean?

PH.

I've got it—no don't tell us.

LL.

ES. [annoyed] It isn't a conundrum.  It's misanthropicalquestion.

PH. [Who is sitting with Spar. to the annoyance of Nice. who iscrying alone] I'm sure I don't know.

We do not want you.

Don'tdistress yourself on our account—we are getting on verycomfortably—aren't we Sparkeion.

AR.

We are so happy that we don't miss the lobster or theclaret.

What are lobster and claret compared with the society ofthose we love? [embracing

PH.

Why,

Nicemis, love, you are eating nothing.

Aren't youhappy dear?

CE. [spitefully] You are quite welcome to my share ofeverything.

I intend to console myself with the society of mymanager. [takes Thespis' arm affectionately].

ES.

Here I say—this won't do, you know—I can't allow it—atleast before my company—besides, you are half-married

Sparkeion.

Sparkeion, here's your half-wife impairing myinfluence before my company.

Don't you know the story of thegentleman who undermined his influence by associating with hisinferiors?

LL.

Yes, yes—we know it.

EP. [formally] I do not know it.

It's ever thus.

Doomed todisappointment from my earliest years.  [Stup. endeavours toconsole him]

ES.

There—that's enough.  Preposteros—you shall hear it.

I once knew a chap who discharged a

On the North South East West Diddlesex Junction.

He was conspicuous exceeding,

For his affable ways, and his easy breeding.

Although a chairman of directions,

He was hand in glove with the ticket inspectors.

He tipped the guards with brand new fivers,

And sang little songs to the engine drivers.'Twas told to me with great compunction,

By one who had discharged with unctionA chairman of directors

On the North South East West Diddlesex Junction.

Fol diddle, lol diddle, lol lol lay.

Each Christmas day he gave each stokerA silver shovel and a golden poker.

He'd button holw flowers for the ticket

And rich Bath-buns for the outside porters.

He'd moun the clerks on his first-class hunters,

And he build little villas for the road-side shunters,

And if any were fond of pigeon shooting,

He'd ask them down to his place at Tooting.

Twas told to me….etc.

In course of time there spread a

That he did all this from a sense of humour.

So instead of signalling and stoking,

They gave themselves up to a course of joking.

Whenever they knew that he was riding,

They shunted his train on a lonely siding,

Or stopped all night in the middle of a tunnel,

On the plea that the boiler was a-coming through the funnel.

Twas told to me…etc.

It he wished to go to Perth or Stirling,

His train through several counties whirling,

Would set him down in a fit of larking,

At four a.m. in the wilds of Barking.

This pleased his whim and seemed to strike it,

But the general public did not like it.

The receipts fell, after a few repeatings,

And he got it hot at the annual meetings.

Twas told to me…etc.

He followed out his whim with vigour,

The shares went down to a nominal figure.

These are the sad results

From his affable ways and his easy breeding.

The line, with its rais and guards and peelers,

Was sold for a song to marine store

The shareholders are all in the work'us,

And he sells pipe-lights in the Regent Circus.

Twas told to me…etc.

It's very hard.

As a man I am naturally of an easy disposition.

As a manager,

I am compelled to hold myself aloof, that myinfluence may not be deteriorated.  As a man I am inclined tofraternize with the pauper—as a manager I am compelled to walkaround like this:

Don't know yah.

Don't know yah.

Don't know yah.[Strides haughtily about the stage.

Jupiter,

Mars, and Apollo, infull Olympian costume appear on the three broken columns.

Thespians

UP,

RS,

AP.

Presumptuous mortal.

ES.

Don't know ya.

Don't know yah.

UP,

RS,

AP. [seated on broken pillars] Presumptuous mortal.

ES.

I do not know you.

I do not know you.

UP,

RS,

AP.

Presumptuous mortal.

ES.

Remove this person.[Stup and Prep seize Ap and

UP.

Stop, you evidently don't know me.  Allow me to offer you mycard. [Throws flash

ES.

Ah yes, it's very pretty, but we don't want any at present.

When we do our Christmas piece,

I'll let you know. [Changing hismanner] Look here, you know this is a private party and wehaven't the pleasure of your acquaintance.

There are a good manyother mountains about, if you must have a mountain all toyourself.

Don't make me let myself down before my company.[Resuming] Don't know yah,

Don't know yah.

UP.

I am Jupiter, the king of the gods.

This is Apollo.

This

Mars. [All kneel to them except

ES.

Oh.

Then as I'm a respectable man, and rather particularabout the company I keep,

I think I'll go.

UP.

No—no—stop a bit.

We want to consult you on a matter ofgreat importance.

There.

Now we are alone.

Who are you?

ES.

I am Thespis of the Thessalian Theatres.

UP.

The very man we want.

Now as a judge of what the publiclikes are you impressed with my appearance as father of the gods?

ES.

Well to be candid with you,

I am not.

In fact I'mdisappointed.

UP.

Disappointed?

ES.

Yes, you see you're so much out of repair.

No, you don'tcome up to my idea of the part.

Bless you,

I've played you often.

UP.

You have.

ES.

To be sure I have.

UP.

And how have you dressed the part.

ES.

Fine commanding party in the prime of life.

Thunderbolt—full beard—dignified manner—a good eal of this sort of thin"Don't know ya.

Don't know yah.

Don't know yah.

UP. [much affected] I—I'm very much obliged to you.

It's verygood of you.

I—I—I used to be like that.

I can't tell you howmuch I feel it.

And do you find I'm an impressive character toplay?

ES.

Well no,

I can't say you are.  In fact we don't you youmuch out of burlesque.

UP.

Burlesque!

ES.

Yes, it's a painful subject, drop it, drop it.  The factis, you are not the gods you were—you're behind your age.

UP.

Well, but what are we to do?

We feel that we ought to dosomething, but we don't know what.

ES.

Why don't you all go down to earth, incog, mingle with theworld, hear and see what people think of you, and judge foryourselves as to the best means to take to restore yourinfluence?

UP.

Ah, but what's to become of Olympus in the meantime?

ES.

Lor' bless you, don't distress yourself about that.

I've avery good company, used to take long parts on the shortestnotice.

Invest us with your powers and we'll fill your placestill you return.

UP. [aside] The offer is tempting.

But suppose you fail?

ES.

Fail.

Oh, we never fail in our profession.

We've nothingbut great successes.

UP.

Then it's a bargain.

ES.

It's a bargain. [they shake hands on

UP.

And that you may not be entirely without assistance, we willleave you Mercury and whenever you find yourself in a difficultyyou can consult him.  [enter

UP.  So that's arranged—you take my place, my boy,     While we make trial of a new existence.     At length I will be able to enjoy     The pleasures I have envied from a distance.

ER.  Compelled upon Olympus here to stop,     While the other gods go down to play the hero.     Don't be surprised if on this mountain top     You find your Mercury is down at zero.

AP.  To earth away to join in mortal acts.     And gather fresh materials to write on.     Investigate more closely, several facts,     That I for centuries have thrown some light on.

IA.

I, as the modest moon with crescent bow.     Have always shown a light to nightly scandal,     I must say I'd like to go below,     And find out if the game is worth the candle.[enter all thespians, summoned by

ER.

Here come your people.

ES.

People better now.

ES.

While mighty Jove goes down below     With all the other deities.     I fill his place and wear his "clo,"     The very part for me it is.     To mother earth to make a track,     They are all spurred and booted, too.     And you will fill, till they come back,     The parts you best are suited to.

HO.

Here's a pretty tale for future Iliads and Odysseys     Mortals are about to personate the gods and goddesses.     Now to set the world in order, we will work in unity.     Jupiter's perplexity is Thespis's opportunity.

AR.

Phoebus am I, with golden ray,     The god of day, the god of day.     When shadowy night has held her sway,     I make the goddesses fly.     Tis mine the task to wake the world,     In slumber curled, in slumber curled.     By me her charms are all unfurled     The god of day am I.

HO.

The god of day, the god of day,     The park shall our Sparkeion play,     Ha Ha, etc.     The rarest fun and rarest fare     That ever fell to mortal share     Ha ha etc.

CE.

I am the moon, the lamp of night.     I show a light — I show a light.     With radiant sheen I put to flight     The shadows of the sky.     By my fair rays, as you're aware,     Gay lovers swear—gay lovers swear,     While greybeards sleep away their care,     The lamp of night am I.

HO.

The lamp of night-the lamp of night.     Nicemis plays, to her delight.     Ha Ha Ha Ha.     The rarest fun and rarest fare,     That ever fell to mortal share,     Ha Ha Ha

IM.

Mighty old Mars, the god of war,     I'm destined for—I'm destined for.     A terribly famous conqueror,     With sword upon his thigh.     When armies meet with eager shout     And warlike rout, and warlike rout,     You'll find me there without a doubt.     The God of War am I.

HO.

The god of war, the god of war     Great Timidon is destined for.     Ha Ha Ha Ha     The rest fun and rarest fare     That ever fell to mortal share     Ha Ha Ha

PH.

When, as the fruit of warlike deeds,     The soldier bleed, the soldier bleeds,     Calliope crowns heroic deeds,     With immortality.     From mere oblivion I reclaim     The soldier's name, the soldier's name     And write it on the roll of fame,     The muse of fame am I.

HO.

The muse of fame, the muse of fame.     Callipe is Daphne's name.     Ha Ha Ha Ha     The rarest fun and rarest fare,     That ever fell to mortal share.     Ha Ha Ha Ha.

TI.

Here's a pretty tale.[Enter procession of old Gods, they come down very muchastonished at all they see, then passing by, ascent the platformthat leads to the descent at the

DS.

We will go,     Down below,     Revels rare,     We will share.     Ha Ha Ha     With a gay     Holiday     All unknown,     And alone     Ha Ha Ha.

TI.

Here's a pretty tale.[The gods, including those who have lately entered in processiongroup themselves on rising ground at back.

The Thespians kneelingbid them farewell.]

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William Schwenck Gilbert

Sir William Schwenck Gilbert (18 November 1836 – 29 May 1911) was an English dramatist, librettist, poet and illustrator best known for his coll…
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