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Phil-O-Rums Canoe

O Ma ole canoe! w'at's matter wit' you,   an' w'y was you be so slow?

Don 't I work hard enough on de paddle, an'   still you don 't seem to go-No win' at all on de fronte side, an' current   she don 't be strong,

Den w'y are you lak lazy feller, too sleepy for   move along?"I 'member de tam w'en you jomp de sam' as   deer wit' de wolf behin'An' brochet on d top de water, you scare   heem mos' off hees min';

But fish don 't care for you now at all, only jus'   mebbe wink de eye,

For he know it 's easy get out de way w'en you   was a passin' by."I 'm spikin' dis way de oder day w'en I 'm   out wit'de ole canoe,

Crossin' de point w'ere I see las' fall wan very   beeg caribou,

W'en somebody say, "Phil-o-rum, mon vieux,   wat's matter wit' you youse'f?"An' who do you s'pose was talkin'? w'y de   poor ole canoe shese'f.

O yass,

I 'm scare w'en I 'm sittin' dere an'   she 's callin' ma nam' dat way:"Phil-o-rum Juneau, w'y you spik so moche,   you 're off on de head

Can't be you forget ole feller, you an' me   we 're not too young,

An' if  I'm  lookin' so ole lak you,

I t'ink I   will close ma tongue."You should feel ashame; for you 're alway   blame, w'en it is n't ma fault at

For I 'm tryin' to do bes' I can for you on sum-   mer-tam, spring, an' fall.

How offen you drown on de reever if I 'm not   lookin' out for youW'en you 're takin' too moche on de w'isky   some night comin' down de Soo."De firse tam we go on de Wessoneau no fel-   ler can beat us den,

For you 're purty strong man wit' de paddle,   but dat 's long ago ma frien',

An' win' she can blow off de mountain, an'   tonder an' rain may come,

But camp see us bote on de evening-you know   dat was true Phil-o-rum."An' who's your horse too, but your ole   canoe, an' w'en you feel cole an'

Who was your house w'en I 'm upside down   an' onder  de roof you get,

Wit' rain ronnin' down ma back,

Baptême! till   I 'm gettin' de rheumateez,

An' I never say not'ing at all, moi-même, but   let you do jus' you please."You t'ink it was right, kip me out all night    on reever side down below,

An' even' Bon Soir' you was never say, but   off on de camp you

Leffin' your poor ole canoe behin' lyin' dere   on de groun'Watchin' de moon on de water, an' de bat   flyin' all aroun'."O! dat 's lonesome t'ing hear de grey owl   sing up on de beeg pine

An' many long night she kip me awake till sun   on de eas' I see,

An' den you come down on de morning for   start on some more voyage,

An' only t'ing decen' you do all day is carry   me on portage."Dat 's way Phil-o-rum, rheumateez she   come, wit' pain ronnin' troo ma

Wan leetle hole here, noder beeg wan dere, dat   not'ing can never hide;

Don 't do any good fix me up agen, no matter   how moche you try,

For w'en we come ole an' our work she 's   done, bote man an' canoe mus'die.""Wall! she talk dat way mebbe mos' de day,   till we 're passin' some beaver

An' wan de young beaver he 's mak' hees tail   come down on de water flam!

I never see de canoe so scare, she jomp nearly   two, t'ree feetI t'ink she was goin' for ronne away, an' she   shut up de mout' toute suite.

It mak'me feel queer, de strange t'ing I hear,   an' I 'm glad she don 't spik no more,

But soon as we fin'ourse'f arrive over dere on   de noder shoreI tak'  dat canoe lak de lady, an' carry her off   wit' me,

For I 'm sorry de way I treat her, an' she   know more dan me, sapree!

Yass! dat 's smart canoe, an' I know it 's true,   w'at she 's spikin'  wit' me dat day,

I 'm not de young feller I use to be w'en work   she was only play;

An' I know I was comin' closer on place w'ere   I mus' tak' careW'ere de mos' worse current 's de las' wan too,   de current of Dead Riviere.

You can only steer, an' if rock be near, wit'      wave dashin' all aroun',

Better mak' leetle prayer, for on Dead Riviere   some very smart man get drown;

But if you be locky an' watch youse'f, mebbe   reever won 't seem so wide,

An' firse t'ing you know you 'll ronne ashore,   safe on de noder side.

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William Henry Drummond

William Henry Drummond (April 13, 1854 – April 6, 1907) was an Irish-born Canadian poet whose humorous dialect poems made him "one of the most p…

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